Shopping the Missouri Tigers

Shopping the Missouri Tigers

Credit: Getty Images

COLUMBIA, MO - JANUARY 14: Michael Dixon #11, Matt Pressey #3 and Phil Pressey #1 of the Missouri Tigers lead the team out of the locker room prior to the game against the Texas Longhorns on January 14, 2012 at Mizzou Arena in Columbia, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

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by JJ Bailey, Missouri Basketball App

KMOV.com

Posted on February 17, 2012 at 12:43 PM

Updated Thursday, Dec 5 at 12:04 AM

(Missouri Basketball App) -- Following form, Missouri calmly and ruthlessly dispatched OK State at home, avenging a forgettable performance in Stillwater earlier in the season. To celebrate, I made a late night trip to the local Hyvee to pick up some libations. On my quest, I was reminded of one of the more creative looks at a team I have ever read- an article by Ross Taylor titled Mizzou Basketball As Things Around My Apartment.

In walking through the aisles, I began to wonder how this current team would fit into a grocery store. It was an odd moment for sure, but I arrived at a rather satisfying conclusion.

Mizzou Basketball as Sections in a Grocery Store.

Matt Pressey- The Deli
The deli is great stop when you need a snack. It's quick, gets the job done, and you know if you buy the right things, you can have some really fulfilling lunches throughout the week. You can't depend on the Deli forever, though. It's a great compliment to your shopping cart, but if you had to subsist solely on corned beef and sliced cheese forever, you'd get hungry pretty fast.

Kim English- Produce
Absolutely essential to a balanced meal. Fruits and veggies keep you full of energy and often straighten you out when you're headed to the junk food aisle. More often than not, without a little produce, any meal you make feels a incomplete and can leave your guests hungry for something more substantial. However, you have to make sure whatever you buy is ripe, because if you buy too early, your food may not be ready. This can take up to four years.

Ricardo Ratliffe- The Meat Department
This section is the workhorse. It's got everything from burgers for the masses to finely cut steak for the connoisseurs. Depending on what you need, you'll get a dependable t-bone, or a succulent filet. Most times, you can get what you need cheap, and season it to perfection. Be careful though, leave meat on the grill too long , and you'll get burned. But speaking of seasoning…

Steve Moore- The spice aisle
You certainly can't eat anything here for dinner, but put it with the right ingredients and you can elevate a dinner into a gourmet meal. They go with almost everything, and they're always there when you need them. Pasta lacking flavor? You're in luck, we've got a little paprika. Steak lacking some bite? Try a little garlic salt. You'll thank me later.

Mike Dixon- The Liquor Section
If you get there early, it's going to be a wild night. The liquor department is the great equalizer. Whether you need confidence, courage, or just want to see what happens when you cut loose, the liquor section has you covered. Be careful though- if you overspend here things can get out of control pretty fast. See: The Texas elbow.

Marcus Denmon- The Pharmacy
Simply put, it'll cure what ails you. The pharmacy is where you go when you really need to fix a problem. Even if you're down and out on the couch, hit the pharmacy at the right time and you'll be feeling right in a few hours. Every grocery store needs a good pharmacy to run well. It never closes, and that's where the money gets made.

Phil Pressey- Checkout
Sometimes it takes a little longer to get going than you would like, but when it's running well, the whole place hums. More importantly, you can load your cart up all you want, but you're not getting to any of those items without paying first.

Frank Haith- Customer Service
At the end of a day, a business is only as good as its employees. Customer Service is in charge of running the whole operation. The sections need to be stocked, the cashiers need to be calm, and the customers need to be happy. The difference between a good store and a championship store is customer service.

Rosberg, Sutton, Jones- Bargain DVD bin
Every store has this bin. It's where you find such gems as Time Cop, Double Take, and Chill Factor. The fact is, you'd never put one of these movies in by choice, but if you've got nothing going on, or you've already watched everything in your collection, it might be fun to see Skeet Ulrich for a while. Ultimately, if you're watching one of these movies, you know your night has already been a success and you've got nothing to lose.

Lawrence Bowers- Coming Soon
Every once and a while a store puts a section under construction. This is usually accompanied by promises of improved features, great values and customer satisfaction. Your mind tells you to be calm, but all you can think of is how AWESOME it's going to be when it opens.

At the end of the day, if you've got all the right things in your cart, you're going home happy.

 

--JJ Bailey, Missouri Basketball App

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