“What Are the Love Languages at Your House?”
How do you tell your child or spouse you love him or her? I don’t mean just saying “I love you,” I mean communicating it so they really feel it. Believe it. I was listening to the author of “5 Love Languages” on the radio the other day. It was so eye opening. He was explaining how you can strengthen your relationship with your child if you know their love language.
Before I get into that I should explain the whole love language thing. Author Dr. Gary Chapman says that everyone expressed and interprets love differently and they do so with five different love languages.
The languages are:
1. Words of affirmation: Just what it sounds like you talk about how much you love them with compliments and encouragement.
2. Physical touch: You are all about the PDA with touching, hugs ,kisses
3. Acts of service: You like to help people by cleaning, cooking washing their car.
4. Gifts: You are a giver. You probably LOVE birthdays and Christmas because it’s another excuse to give a gift
5. Quality time: You like to spend time with your friends and family
Can you figure out which one is yours? You can have more than one. Mine are gifts and words of affirmation. I love surprises and getting thoughtful gifts but I also melt when my husband tells me he’s proud of me or thinks I’m attractive. My husband isn’t great at giving gifts and he isn’t a big talker. I struggled with this when we were first married because I felt like his love wasn’t as strong as mine was for him. That is until I figured out that he was showing me he loved me but I didn’t speak his “love language” so I didn’t see it.
According to Dr. Chapmen, you feel love the same way you express love. Not only do I feel loved when I receive gifts and compliments I also express love with gifts and compliments.
But my husband’s love languages are acts of service and physical touch. He doesn’t shower me with compliments but he cleans the kitchen every night after dinner, makes dinner half the time and helps me with my DIY decorating projects all the time. In fact, he has helped me with 95% of my DIY projects. Like gluing doll glasses and cutting out fleece for the 20 Santa Claus ornaments I made for Christmas presents. As for the physical touch, he always hugs and kisses me at the beginning and end of my day and wants to sit by me on the couch when we watch TV. I’m not a huggy touchy type of person so I have to work at that.
I have to remind myself to speak his language by getting out of my lounge chair to sit with him on the couch and remember to make sure to hug him before I leave work.
Other ways I speak his love language are cleaning the house before he comes home or making his favorite meal. If I do those things he will thank me for days and be in a really good mood but if I buy him a cool jacket…like I did for his birthday this week, I will get a simple thank you and that will be the end of it.
So see if you don’t feel loved at home it may be that you just speak a different love language than your spouse or child. Maybe you need to tell them the reasons why you love them instead of just washing his or her clothes so they “get it.”
That goes for your kids too. Dr Chapman was saying that kids who speak love with physical touch and words of affirmation are pretty easy to read. You will know if your son or daughter’s language is words of affirmation if they like to tell you how pretty you are and how much they love you frequently. If it’s physical touch then your daughter or son probably hugs you when you walk in the room.
My son is only 16 months old so I don’t know his love language but I am trying to figure it out. He isn’t a big hugger and doesn’t like to be held too much but he sure does like to play and read stories with you. Hello “quality time!” I know he doesn’t understand the word “love” but he sure does look happy when we spend time together.